have you ever considered that the night wind, like you, is also desirious of warmth?

that she pierces through your cloak because she too wants to be held?

that she leaves your lips chapped and your face rosy-cheeked, because she too longs for touch?

what a tragedy she doesn’t know it yet, but there is no warmth in you. that the polyester scarf and knitted sweater is only decoration to make that hideous, frostbitten, rotting trunk of yours a little less appalling.

“What do two hearts that love say to each other? Nothing.”

officially migrated this website from github onto codeberg!

also set up my own actions runner and now run my frontend deploy from there.

api.webmar.love is also officially live (set up a backend deploy workflow as well)

you know permacomputing and data sovereignty is all fun, and sometimes on weekends i really do want to get my hands in the dirt and reap my own fruit and pick my own strawberries, but there are also times when i just want an amc blue razz icee and a nice perfectly round, genetically modified, juicy naval orange from the supermarket. i appreciate the land and also human ingenuity. it really saddens me that the two are so often in opposition these days. i hope one day i can deploy my website as easily and as thoughtlessly as i do with aws, without the environmental and human rights implications of using aws.

im so sleepy and probably incoherent. tldr im really excited that i finally have a backend!

saw jane remover… 4/10 show… it’s time to retire.

went to trivia for the first time, didn’t know the answers to any questions and ended up drawing doodles of the trivia master. he asked if he can keep the drawing and i happily gifted it to him.

working on so many exciting things. working many many hours. lots of late nights. i am convinced again that i have that dog in me (even though i am a cat intrinsically).

i feel so close to ranking up. not monetarily or career wise, but there’s going to be some kind of big shift: a metamorphisis. i just need to finish the year strong. i’ll rest and recover in the winter.

side note: i am once again resuming my cynisism about love. a wise mango has warned me. that shit’s super wack and fake and fugazi and stinky. i want nothing to do with that.

am i just not well-adjusted? is that what it is? have i been perceiving myself wrong this whole time?

yes. (statistically)

my brother and sister are both ill. my father is pretty high functioning, but what does that have to do with anything? and if i happen to make it, i’ll probably die of cancer just like mother did. why would i be the outlier? could it be time to get some help?

apparently running has the same effect on the brain as SRIs. is this why i feel so shit today? because i skipped my run? i would double check this fact, but its a pretty low conscientioussness day for me, so you’d have to do your own due dilligence.

i’m asking too many questions, i guess i’ll start picking answers. even bad ones should suffice.

anyways… checkout my new site button! i used hekate2’s button maker, but it doesn’t support saving gifs unfortunately :((( not the end of the world, although for a moment it made me want to cry. maybe i should make a PR to add this feature, but my fingers are so heavy even typing this post makes my joints ache. the button looks pretty ugly right now. that is okay.

i wonder what future omar is thinking reading these posts? don’t cringe too hard or the wrinkles above your brow will leave no room at all for the little that’s left of your youth. i really hope you’re doing well, but don’t beat yourself up if you’re not. you will be alright eventually.

i saw you last night.

i’m trying to remember what happened, but my dream escapes me.

a random man i walked by on the street told me to smile today, i take that means you’re doing well. i hope you smile today too.

congratulations on another big milestone! i hope your sister is doing well as well. what’s next for glitter girl? you don’t have to answer.

my eyes are getting a little bit wet right now. some things never change i guess.

me and straight men just can’t get along

another great weekend! reconnecting with old friends, making new friends, fortifying bonds with existing friends.

i had so many things i had to do and so many things i wanted to do and i got everything without compromise (except that im at the office on a sunday at 11pm).

a blank canvas, so what shall i paint?

a cappuccino because oh how i long for innocence

oh old friend! look at you! you’re all worn out. stay with me a little longer. i too need rest.

maybe this is the story of my life

my new hobby is box-spotting. just like heart-spotting… riiiight… riiight. the world’s so rich when you pay attention to it. open your eyes, your ears, taste what you eat, smell when you breathe, laugh loudly, dance proudly. suffer as if you’re dying, because guess what? you are. this is your duty as a high-openness neurotic.

may recap:

my failure looks like egg shells and orange peels. smells of ammonia just like manure. the nitrogen compounds must be breaking down, because today it smells especially pungent. so what’s in this pile of shit? a sproutling? what fruit will it bear? does it have horns or whiskers? could it be a dragon?

a macchiato – because old age now rests over my brow

an unclaimed ticket to chungking express, sadly never to be seen by faye wong. that is okay.

we stand on the shoulders of giants

i’m being a bit dramatic. may 2026 was a solid month. hope. loss of hope. hope and again loss of hope. hope. hope?

some things i came across whilst browsing the internet

from monsterousseas:

a really good essay from pol clarissou i found on sadgrl’s website: To Save Art We Must Kill The Artist. articulates exactly how i feel about big city aRtISTs.

what’s most painful is that nothing would change even if i were white

call me a semiotician the way i interpret these signs))

my bar soap looks a little bigger today, the red sock i thought i lost months ago lay neatly in my sock box, and the plain greek yogurt i eat for breakfast has a hint of sweetness.

so then who’s in these walls? who is messing with my head? could it be the dove?

because if there’s no one there, what else could explain this marvelous day that i’m having?

im lowk anti le guin, the word for world is forest is so boring, i haven’t given the dispossessed a chance tho, so maybe i’m speaking too soon. carrier bag theory of fiction is a lovely essay, so i will give her that.

why tf did i get dorian electra tickets?

screaming into the void where i can be fully MYSELF. right hahaha?!!!! fully myself btw! hi))) please someone perceive me! please someone please please please someone please see me! please see me. please. please. please see me.

my mania comes in 2 month periods, and the last month is up in a few days!!! depressed summer incoming!!!!! woohooo! who’s got a free shoulder to cry on? no one? that’s okay (not btw!).

baby omar grew up with a loving mother, a loving father, a loving sister, a loving brother. well fed, well kept, well loved, and well slept.

so then tell me God how do i explain the absolute failure that i have become?

i who traded his dreams for loud music, cleanliness for this filth, friends for ghosts.

meritocracy is most definitely a myth, but i know for certain that i am a product of all my poor decisions.

i need this OR3 to come out ASAP!

“having it all” set theory:

having it all is a superset of resting and refusal, therefore to have it all you must sometimes not have anything at all.

zone2 training at mietze. zone4 at feng. but now there’s a long run ahead, which way should i go?

i’ve always been putting it on btw

hi i’m bapemar, nice to meet you, do u listen to bladee? no? yeah he’s pretty niche… so can i get ur number?

am i giving trade?

my illness has been cured. no more silliness. my friends have had enough. i literally don’t even care. i am not avoidant or anxious, i’m mature and healthy and reasonable and secure. right… right…

may 2026 takeaways:

• being able to have it all is not a reason to have it all, maximalism is not my path, man’s search for meaning continues.
• i am so grateful for my body that can run and dance and climb and move and walk. it’s a temple and i should attend to it as such.
• it’s really easy and intoxicating to believe you’re in control of your destiny. your blessings come from Allah, remember that.
• remember ur young ho and chopped unc, a fool and also an alien of extraordinary ability. remember to be human is to hold and embrace your contradictions.

you gotta be kidding right?

i’m starting to think finding love in the city is more than a 2 month endeavor.

i will not be fooled by the dunya. i will not be fooled by the dunya. i will not be fooled by the dunya.

signs are only as real as we make them to be. remember the poem? u even read it out loud.

please please please june omar have self respect. don’t be a fool.

smerz was alright. opener was a bit slow. i’m glad i went alone. i’ve never done that before.

my newfound cortado preference challenges milk theory. perhaps the inflection point comes sooner than i thought.

only time will tell, so then where is she? im 23 btw if ur curious!

omg what a full weekend!

birthdays, concerts, cigarettes, running, yacking, working, a new tattoo, reading poetry, making friends with friends of friends, and so much filipino food!

another full week ahead 3 shows, my first giants game, a big release at work.

carpe diem, carpe vitam - you can really have it all.

p.s. i can’t stop wearing guyliner

now that i’m approaching my mid-20s i must run a marathon.

almost got everything. i’m so bad at drawing i feel like a toddler but at least i did it. i’m afraid may will be painful, but i must be brave.

My friend said:

"""

I got enchanted by the sweet talking of a mid straight cis white man

I’m so femcoded

:pp

I understand the female experience

"""

gave kaylee my pc so she can become a twitch streamer

yummy

to reiterate, i love sf!

jane remover tix secured!!!

got the cutest jacket at the cherry bomb market

caught in the rain again

i love sf so much!

once that OR3 drops and all the girls with broken hearts heal then it will be my time

time to suck the marrow out of life

ughhhh stupid stupid ugly stupid im so so so upset and im more upset that i’m upset about stupid things and not actually upsetting things

did my first open mic last night.

i don’t want to be emotionally mature i j want to throw a tantrum

scheduled my first tattoo apt! i’m so excited!

at this rate there will be a wasian president before we see a woman take office

had russian pastries with friends, took nate to the ER, and then watched hoppers! it wasa great day!

went to see sebi and kimj with my friends!

petite bourgeois eats fruit he hasn’t labored to peel

first tattoo. when i was a kid i was up to no good climbing over a fence and it left a scar on the inside of my knee, and now a flower has bloomed from it!

got my lip pierced